I’m lonely even though I don’t have any reason to be

I just want to quit my job. Throw away my phone. And drive the fuck away to no where.

Tonight I had a small family gathering, which was extremely weird. I hate awkward tension, and it filled the room. 

So my one Uncle came over today. He recently just got out of rehab, so it was awesome to see him for the first time in a really long time. He has a new girlfriend, and she came today. It was upsetting almost; as soon as he came over he started drinking. And his girlfriend started drinking. They were the only ones, and it sucked so bad seeing that happen. I hate seeing people with past addictions going right back to their old ways. And the hard part was he drank as soon as he walked in the front door. I didn’t like the girlfriend at first, because she was the one who kind of influenced him to drink today; knowing he had a drinking issue in the past. I hate seeing a person so broken like that. It fucking sucks. Especially because I can’t do a single thing about it.

I know I’m not straight edge anymore, because every now and then I’ll have a glass of wine. But I hate alochol abuse, I HATE seeing peopel struggle with addictions. I hate heavy drinkers. I hate it all. I enjoy wine, so yes I do drink it. However no matter what, I’ll always have the same straight-edge mind set I’ve had since I was so young. Drug-Free. Addiction Free. Promiscuous sex-free. ETC. I don’t know, I just hate seeing someone so vulnerable and broken like that. I wish I could help, it hurts that I can’t. Broken. 

So much to do tomorrow.
Wednesdays is pretty much my only day off I have from work, so I have a lot to get done. I’m writing my agenda here because I’ll probably forget half if this by the morning.

•Go to the gym and upgrade my membership.
•Take my dog to get groomed.
•Treating myself to get my nails done and get some clothes.
•Head to ikea and buy a bigger bookshelf/other furniture.
•Set up my appointment with my tattoo artist to work on my sleeve.
•Call my bone specialist to schedule my future bone surgeries for my left foot and for both of my knees.
•Take a breath and sit back for a bit.

Busy day. Oof